That's not slime, that's radiance.

The text on the packaging says "(Insert name of fabulously overpriced product) intensely corrects all visible signs of aging and helps recreate the deep radiance of a visibly younger skin".

I apply in lieu of usual moisturizer and prance around S until he starts paying attention. 

-  Do I look radiantly youthful ?
-  You look slimy.

Oh.  Good thing it was only a free sample then.